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Character Personality
Jul. 29th, 2010 01:04 amMildmay's been a trained killer since he was fourteen. He describes himself as a "clock-work bear" that Keeper wound up and set on whoever she wanted him to kill. He's done horrible, wicked, unforgivable things to a whole lot of people and he knows it. And he doesn't try to excuse himself for it either. If you asked Mildmay if he thought he was a good person, he'd say no. At best, he thinks he's worthless Lower City guttertrash and at worst, he's a monster.
But the problem is, Mildmay is essentially a good person. He has a keen sense of morality and fairness, he doesn't take any pleasure in killing and regrets it (most of the time). He can be exceedingly patient and his selfless nature is well beyond what it should be. Mildmay's self-esteem issues largely stem from the influence of Kolkhis, his Keeper. She abused him, mentally, physically, and sexually and he's never really recovered from any of it, although he doesn't even seem to regard it as abuse. He grew up wanting to please Keeper and, at the same time, discovering that nothing he did would ever please her. She slept with him and raised him and ordered him to kill for her, and he thought he'd loved her. Now that Mildmay is free of her, he still thinks of himself as incapable of inspiring love or loyalty, and when he meets people who do seem to care for him, he can't really figure out why.
Mildmay has issues with autonomy. He's been following other peoples' orders nearly his whole life, first with Kolkhis and then with Felix, due to the obligation d'ame. He sometimes wonders what it would be like to have control over his own life and be responsible for it, but he really can't imagine it. When it does stand up for himself, it's usually on moral issues that he no longer wants to compromise on, such as killing.
Because he's used to having his opinions mocked, ignored, or violently stifled, Mildmay is very quiet and taciturn, usually only speaking when he's asked a question, and even then his favorite answer is "I dunno". He keeps his views hidden, in case he ends up being punished or ridiculed for them, and it takes a lot to get him to open up and talk freely. He's much more likely to express himself through touch or actions than words.
Sexually, Mildmay is largely submissive and restrained. Sleeping with Kolkhis has taught him that his own pleasure is, at best, secondary and usually unimportant. His main role is to please his partner and do what he's told. On the rare occasion that he does let go in bed, he's more likely to use a whore to release tension than a lover, considering that it's one time where his pleasure is the goal and he doesn't have to be mindful of her comfort.
But the problem is, Mildmay is essentially a good person. He has a keen sense of morality and fairness, he doesn't take any pleasure in killing and regrets it (most of the time). He can be exceedingly patient and his selfless nature is well beyond what it should be. Mildmay's self-esteem issues largely stem from the influence of Kolkhis, his Keeper. She abused him, mentally, physically, and sexually and he's never really recovered from any of it, although he doesn't even seem to regard it as abuse. He grew up wanting to please Keeper and, at the same time, discovering that nothing he did would ever please her. She slept with him and raised him and ordered him to kill for her, and he thought he'd loved her. Now that Mildmay is free of her, he still thinks of himself as incapable of inspiring love or loyalty, and when he meets people who do seem to care for him, he can't really figure out why.
Mildmay has issues with autonomy. He's been following other peoples' orders nearly his whole life, first with Kolkhis and then with Felix, due to the obligation d'ame. He sometimes wonders what it would be like to have control over his own life and be responsible for it, but he really can't imagine it. When it does stand up for himself, it's usually on moral issues that he no longer wants to compromise on, such as killing.
Because he's used to having his opinions mocked, ignored, or violently stifled, Mildmay is very quiet and taciturn, usually only speaking when he's asked a question, and even then his favorite answer is "I dunno". He keeps his views hidden, in case he ends up being punished or ridiculed for them, and it takes a lot to get him to open up and talk freely. He's much more likely to express himself through touch or actions than words.
Sexually, Mildmay is largely submissive and restrained. Sleeping with Kolkhis has taught him that his own pleasure is, at best, secondary and usually unimportant. His main role is to please his partner and do what he's told. On the rare occasion that he does let go in bed, he's more likely to use a whore to release tension than a lover, considering that it's one time where his pleasure is the goal and he doesn't have to be mindful of her comfort.
